My son is autistic. I hope I’m never caught saying to a parent with a child who has a different difficulty, “I feel lucky because my child doesn’t have…”

I, too, want to have, am open to having, an indepth conversation with anyone who’s curious. I try to appear open to honest questions. Instead of telling me how I feel or what I face I really, really, want people to ask me!

Sorry for the ramble. I go on and on like this IRL too!

Sure – I don’t think you’re wrong. Well-meaning people say awkward, regrettable stuff all the time. Myself included :) In this post I am simply exploring how I feel when I hear it… I would also say that while there’s not necessarily a single right way to connect with me, there is most definitely a wrong way: an inauthentic attribution of superhero qualities on to me that only serves to mask fear underneath. Don’t get me wrong – nothing wrong with fear! But I’d rather connect about what’s real, not what ‘sounds right’ (which in the end only gives comfort to the person saying it).

Some people can whip off “You’re so inspiring” in a flip or dismissive way, or in a way that really separates your experience from theirs (like you’re a freak). Or by talking about how “hard” your life is, it’s like they think your life is a tragedy — they don’t get the richness and how joy and pain can be all mixed up together.

But often times, I think people say something like that because they’re reaching for some kind of connection, and they truly don’t know what to say, because they just haven’t had any experience with life with disability.

I think about how I’ve felt before in certain situations I haven’t experienced — like the death of a spouse — and I realize that I’ve said stupid things before — just because I wanted to say something, anything, as a way of reaching out.

And I would hate for people who have good intentions to feel like there’s a “right” and “wrong” way of talking with me. I feel that would put an even bigger barrier between us.

But I do understand the frustration.

Lovely. Thank you.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog and then post a comment! I just read your blog through and appreciate the energy it must take to record your journey. I’ll definitely keep checking in.

Just to add briefly to the dialogue: sometimes heartfelt appreciation is very welcome, and I don’t think that every time (or even any time) you’ve said those words that it’s necessarily a bad thing. it’s all in the delivery, timing and authenticity. and perhaps you’re coming from a place where you can relate, or are trying to…and that counts for everything.