“Whatever you do don’t move north of Steeles.” Our house had grown too small and it was time to make a decision. Owen had recently acquired his first piece of large equipment – a standing frame. A huge apparatus with … Continue reading
Protector of free speech, outraged critic of injustice and defender of Bubbies everywhere. Angus is his champion, his pal, his biggest fan. More than this. He is his brother. Would he have developed self-consciousness about Owen? Would he ever have … Continue reading
“What do you think Owen wants?” What does he want? That’s easy. I know what he wants. He wants to eat like a normal kid and I’m sure he would NOT want that tube thing stuck inside of him! “Maybe … Continue reading
One of my brothers lives in Los Angeles and has been in the US since starting college. When we were all younger, he would come home to Canada for Christmas holidays. But once marriage and babies entered the mix we … Continue reading
Time to practice… I hold up a child’s book, something large with rigid pages and bright pictures. I sign the actions to Owen, book tucked under my chin, shifting and adjusting as I move. Miming like a clown. Owen watches … Continue reading
Owen’s ashes are still at Michael’s. This was supposed to be temporary – a holding place until we could make arrangements for a scattering, or a burial or a place at the mausoleum. It felt like a big decision we … Continue reading
School. Make-work, fake-fun, baby-sitting. Some nice moments, but probably not what you think. One such moment: he went out for recess with an older boy, and watched while his assigned ‘buddy’ shot a few hoops. Cool, I thought. Owen probably … Continue reading
There was no denying it, my boy was unusual. Big round head, like Charlie Brown. Unblinking eyes with impossible eyelashes, like Tweety Bird. He was stiff and floppy at the same time, like one of those dolls with fabric bodies … Continue reading
Owen died on October 24. A Sunday morning. 6 months exactly to Easter Sunday. I’m not the sentimental type and I rarely even note birthdays, never mind half-anniversaries. The day did not arrive with any dread and it did not … Continue reading
Sometimes movie trailers show bits of the story line in a narrative arc. You get a sense of the beginning and middle, and of course you are left hanging about the end until you see the movie. I have seen … Continue reading
We used to vacation as a family at Severn Lodge, a lovely little family-run resort on the Trent-Severn waterway, a couple of hours north of the city. These photos were taken during one of those vacations, in 2004, and are … Continue reading
I saw his name on the phone display and wondered why he would be calling me at, what… 8:30? 9am? On a Sunday morning? Michael probably wants me to pick up the boys early. I bristled slightly, bracing myself for … Continue reading
A brief hiatus from writing and publishing for our two-week spring break, so stay tuned for more in a little while. This has been an important journey for me, and I’m so grateful that you’re following along. In the meantime, … Continue reading
We were brought to a kind of holding room. Michael walked and I was wheeled. No word of our baby or what was going to happen next. We waited there alone for a long time – easily an hour, perhaps … Continue reading
Week 4. On a warm Saturday evening, Michael and I attended a wedding in Kitchener, for the son of my dad’s wife. I wouldn’t have dreamed of attending a social event at this stage, but this was family and we … Continue reading