The weekend of waiting. I felt on edge, disconnected from the world, hyper-aware of the unwell baby inside me who was also dealing with this crisis in a much more direct way. To distract ourselves, Michael and I went to … Continue reading
The next few hours at the hospital were a haze of countless ultrasounds and a parade of physicians and in the end, the diagnosis was right. The doctors were impressed with the radiologist’s best guess. Indeed, Owen had hydrops fetalis … Continue reading
I came out to the reception area and now everything looked different. It was quite disorienting. When I had entered the room the first time, everything was fine. And now everything was not fine and I had no idea why. … Continue reading
(1998) I drove from Sarilyn’s office in the east end to the ultrasound clinic downtown. I didn’t mind terribly. This felt important – I was looking after myself – and also meant I was excused from work for the next … Continue reading
(1998) I can’t remember the first midwife’s name. Might have been Andrea. The Midwife Collective model meant that I had a main midwife and then a back-up midwife – I would see one person consistently and then at some point … Continue reading
I’m doing some research for the as-yet-unnamed and still-to-be-defined project I’m working on. I found the following excerpt from an email correspondence with my dad, dated February 24 2009. This passage jumped out at me and I want to share … Continue reading
We headed to LA just after Christmas and returned last night. We were visiting my brother and his family. It was unseasonably cold but there were many days of sunshine, allowing us to enjoy the landscape and crisp air. Owen … Continue reading
The day after Owen’s death, before Angus returned to school, Ms. M gathered the children and told them that their beloved classmate Angus had experienced a tremendous loss. This class was a new formation; a blended class of children aged … Continue reading
Thank you to everyone who has reached out to us in the last few weeks. I can find it hard to connect with others (especially in this forum) during such a deeply personal, inward time but I have certainly felt … Continue reading
I took Angus to Punta Cana, in the Dominican Republic. Beautiful weather, lovely resort, great adventures… and a needed break away from home. It wasn’t terribly relaxing (which may explain why I came home with shingles?!) but certainly worth every … Continue reading
Around the house (photo gallery) Yesterday, in Port Hope (photo gallery)
No commentary yet. Below is the piece I wrote for Owen’s funeral, which was read aloud by our dear friend, Jen Weiser. Jen was one of Owen’s first caregivers and the first person, possibly even before me, to delight in … Continue reading
My dear faithful readers, Owen passed away Sunday morning. Sometime around dawn, in his own bed at his dad’s, in his sleep. I am so heartbroken no words can express. No amount of understanding or wisdom gained over the years … Continue reading
I have had only one nightmare about Owen, ever. It creeps into my waking mind occasionally and really freaks me out. It’s a winter night – dark, cold and snowy. Owen is missing. I don’t know where he is. But … Continue reading
Jennifer, Angus and Owen are waiting at a stoplight, on their way to ‘the big corner’ – the bustling retail intersection close to their house. Angus walks beside Owen’s wheelchair, occasionally and absent-mindedly patting him on the head. Angus holds … Continue reading