I’m doing some research for the as-yet-unnamed and still-to-be-defined project I’m working on. I found the following excerpt from an email correspondence with my dad, dated February 24 2009. This passage jumped out at me and I want to share it here.
I realize it may appear harsh as the context is missing, plus I see I am using a kind of conceptual shorthand because I know Dad knows what I’m talking about. It was plucked from a days-long rambling conversation about Nietzche, the after-life, mystical beliefs, devotion and surrendering to fate. And finally, Frodo.
I do believe that this lifetime of Owen’s serves a grander purpose for him and I can only catch glimpses of what that would be. His death will mark the end of a cycle that was probably very gruelling but will offer as reward much soul’s progress. I didn’t always understand why I would cringe when people would say that Owen is a ‘gift’ – I now see that it’s a deeply unfair statement, denying Owen his current human experience as a necessary part of his soul’s evolution. I don’t see him as a gift at all! He is who he is and I accept my lot to steadfastly stay beside him until he’s ready to go. Much of it is awful and painful but it doesn’t help me one bit to make my life about that.
I watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy again recently. I feel like Frodo with the burden of the terrible ring, who is given every opportunity to succumb to the temptations of evil power. Except my temptations are self-pity and hard-done-by resentment…
– Feb 2009