I’m doing some research for the as-yet-unnamed and still-to-be-defined project I’m working on. I found the following excerpt from an email correspondence with my dad, dated February 24 2009. This passage jumped out at me and I want to share it here.
I realize it may appear harsh as the context is missing, plus I see I am using a kind of conceptual shorthand because I know Dad knows what I’m talking about. It was plucked from a days-long rambling conversation about Nietzche, the after-life, mystical beliefs, devotion and surrendering to fate. And finally, Frodo.
I do believe that this lifetime of Owen’s serves a grander purpose for him and I can only catch glimpses of what that would be. His death will mark the end of a cycle that was probably very gruelling but will offer as reward much soul’s progress. I didn’t always understand why I would cringe when people would say that Owen is a ‘gift’ – I now see that it’s a deeply unfair statement, denying Owen his current human experience as a necessary part of his soul’s evolution. I don’t see him as a gift at all! He is who he is and I accept my lot to steadfastly stay beside him until he’s ready to go. Much of it is awful and painful but it doesn’t help me one bit to make my life about that.
I watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy again recently. I feel like Frodo with the burden of the terrible ring, who is given every opportunity to succumb to the temptations of evil power. Except my temptations are self-pity and hard-done-by resentment…
– Feb 2009
Awesome passage…I might add that, in my view, his life, intertwined with yours, wasn’t just for his benefit or grander purpose, but for yours too, as Sophie is to herself and to me.
Wow. Well said. You amaze me :)
Jen, what a beautiful passage. As a mother, you loved him through his journey here and he loved you. Your journey with Owen and your words have been and will continue to be a healing and inspirational gift for many. Thank you for sharing it.
Alysa
When I read this I am both encouraged and reminded that I am nearly there- or here. Thank you.
I think acceptance is the only option, as you say the temptations aren’t that appealing to live with.
So glad to have met you Jen. It is this incredible perspective and openness to what we cannot understand that makes me think of you often.
I’m thrilled to hear that the ‘undefined project’ is in the works! I love reading your words.